Forty fifth week-In a lull and processing information

It is sometimes hard to believe that I've been unemployed this long. I never expected it to last. I kind of hoped that I would have something by now. I am in a lull, as I shift through the information I uncovered through my research in the history field. At times it is frustrating as well. There is just so much information out there ripe for the picking, but no way to really sort it all intelligently.

I do get depressed when I realize what time I spent just trying fruitlessly to find work. It can be all consuming and frustrating at the same time. You want to wear that sign that says "Hire me!"....yet you are still reluctant to expose yourself to the world. Everyone tells you that you have to expose yourself in order to gain employment.

I did read with some interest that now employers will know all about your health because you will be required to take health assessment tests before you are gainfully employed. I don't know how true this is or what it really means to the average employee. To me, however, it seems to imply that the employer can now discriminate by your health status, your looks and what race you belong to (even though they don't usually do this due to laws on the books.) Yet I can't help thinking that in order to be employed, you have to run through a battery of tests that determine your weight and health status. I feel that this really "smacks" of socialism and takes away a freedom that should be our right to hold....That is the freedom of privacy in regards to healthcare status. No one needs to know about my health status, and I refuse to let them have that information. Maybe I'm being a bit melodramatic here about what I'm beginning to see happening here, or maybe I'm right on target with it as being yet another barrier to employment.

Forty fourth week-Finding passion and purpose in life

When you have been unemployed as long as I have, your passion and purpose does tend to wane. It's hard at times to even get up in the morning and pretend to go to work. Yes, I do know this. I've been pretending for a long time. I do get the sense of anger and frustration I hear and see around me. I share in it. I do want to scream at times at those captains of industry that laugh in our faces. I know their time is coming soon. They will one day be in the same "boat" as we are now, struggling to survive in an increasingly hostile world.

To combat this feeling of hopelessness and get back the passion that I lost, I lean on the Lord. I talk to him constantly about everything. I know that the Lord is leading me. I just have to continue in that leading and not get sidetracked by worry and fear. Yes, there is a lot of fear in this new venture of mine. There are many things I don't know. I'm eager to learn. I think that is essential to any new venture...the willingness to learn. So how do you find your passion and purpose in life? You start at the source of all life...God.

I know that nowadays it's not very popular to depend on God. Most have forgotten what God has done for them and continues to do for them. All of us have grown up to be too independent. We want to do things our own way. We don't realize that we're playing into the hands of Satan and his minions by doing that. We all do have the option of letting go of the anger, dissolution and frustration that threatens us. We can instead start to embrace the goodness around us, even when it seems like its hidden from view. I admit that I do tend at times to listen to the voices around me telling me that there's no hope for you. Its the same voice that haunts me sometimes at night. I can't let that voice rule me. God rules.

Forty third week-Wading through the mass of information and trying to make sense of it all

I can say this much about my experiences at starting a non-profit entity. It is a whole lot of work and at times just too much information to take in all at once. Yes, I'm still not making any money out of this venture. Yes, sometimes I do feel frustrated by the barriers I've had to overcome and am still overcoming now. No, to be honest I wouldn't trade this experience for anything else because I am learning a whole lot as well. I'm not sure at this time what my next steps are. I do know that I really need to start focusing in on where I want to be and what I really want to do with the rest of my life.

This is hard. You have all the pressures of being long term unemployed with no money coming in except for what you'd expect from the government (unemployment). You are required by law to be actively seeking employment and you do. You don't want to be in the situation you're in struggling for some stability in your life. Regardless of what anyone tells you, being on unemployment is not a stable situation to be in.

I, like most of my fellow colleagues (if I can call them that) long to have stable employment, which means a steady job with good benefits. I really don't think that's too much to ask for, but unfortunately the longer you are unemployed, the less likely you will find these kind of jobs. That's life, some say. It doesn't have to be that way. Sometimes you have to fight for what you're passionate about and hope that someday soon you get some revenue from it. Other times you need to step back and reevaluate where you are going in life. Having passion is good, but it's definitely not enough in the long run.

I will continue with my search both as an administrative assistant and as an amateur historian putting together a historical society.

Forty second week-Overloaded with information

This week I immersed myself in information on local history. There is an overwhelming amount of information to be had for the taking. I had to learn to sort out the information into different categories. There is different projects that are starting to gel from this exploration. I am finding that there is a need, but I am coming across some barriers. These barriers are:

1) Lack of funds and resources- Universities are not interested in promoting state history.or are coming across copyright issues in regards to books.

2) Lack of connection between the physical resources and the electronic resources available. In other words, I'll had to play history detective to find anything out.

3) An overwhelming amount of information but time limited to pursue those avenues-I don't know about you but I find myself going through "rabbit holes" to track down certain information I need.

I haven't as yet found any job opportunities for me in this field, which I noticed requires a masters degree to be in. I don't have the money or the time to pursue this. I am still researching for help to start a historical society and am learning that there are plenty of resources available.

What are my next steps? Well first, I definitely need to get in touch with the history departments at the local universities with my proposals. I know I don't want to "reinvent the wheel" but am in some ways getting very excited about the possibilities for me to find meaningful work here.

Next, I definitely need to find out if there are any grants for me to pursue this work. I would love to get paid to do this research and be able to have a great resource for both young and old to access easily.