Fifty eighth week-Definitely getting old waiting for something positive to happen

Some may say that I resigned to the fact that to a good number of potential employers I'm unemployable. Yes, I have been out of work now for over a year. This situation for me is definitely getting old. I'm getting to the point now that I don't want to mention that I'm unemployed. I rather mention what projects I'm currently involved in for the historical society. I believe people respond better when you don't mention the cold hard fact that you're unemployed. I also believe that after a certain period of time you're considered "damaged goods" or unreliable as an employee. I know my parents are beginning to question why I haven't taken a retail job by now. Anyone who knows me knows that this would be a "desperation job" for me. I am desperate for work, but not that desperate yet.

Right now I'm debating with myself whether or not to start sending out thousands of resumes like some have done. I don't feel comfortable yet with having my personal information dissimulated all over the Internet. I like having some control...and besides everyone tells you that networking is key. I have networked and will continue to do so while I figure out who needs the skills and services I can provide them. I will also start writing letters (snail mail) soliciting my services to local businesses. There has to be someone out there who is looking for me. The issue is trying to find that someone.

Fifty seventh week-Feel like I'm marking time now

This week has been super busy in some ways as I made the next steps in making my organization viable. I can sense that people are interested, which is a good thing, but I can't as yet see whether or not they are willing to work with me. Some days it feels like I'm marking time. I feel guilty because it does seem like my job search is at a standstill. I have to remind myself that God is in control and that his timing is perfect.

I am slowly feeling physically better, but worry about the people around me. The stress of being unemployed for so long has affected them too. I don't know how I can make it better for them. They too are marking time with me and praying for an end to this long dark tunnel that we're traveling on now.

In some ways this "sabbatical" has generated new interests and passions. Some would say that I found my niche. Others have told me to my face that passion doesn't pay bills. They are both right. I have found what I love to do, which is historical research....and yes it hasn't paid the bills yet. My question has been, for the past five months, how do I transfer this passion I have to a paying stable position. I haven't found the answer to that one. Yes, I may like to go back to school for my master's degree now that I do have a focus and goal towards where I want to be. No, I don't want to pay the astronomical expense that I would have to pay to reach that goal.

Yes, I also have to admit....if only to myself...that I'm slowly but surely going the route of self-employment. I do believe there are many out there that are even now trying this route too because of the frustration of competing with thousands for that one job. Being my own boss sounds good....yet when push comes to shove...you have to weigh the risks you are willing to take in order to make enough money to survive and even thrive. This is what I'm wrestling with as I continue to straddle the fence on whether to continue on fruitlessly searching for that elusive job or work out a business plan and go into business for myself.

I have, with the help of SCORE, established my historical society. Some of the activities that I'll be doing in the next three months will have a benefit to the community at large and be a resource for others as well. I just have get out of the mindset that tells you that you're no longer a viable candidate for gainful employment and into the mindset that tells you that you are viable and can still contribute to the community in many fruitful ways.

Fifty sixth week-Struggling with injury and moving forward

This past Sunday I got a personal view of the emergency room. As many of my fellow unemployed members, I am without insurance. This is not by choice. I couldn't afford the COBRA payment, so decided not to take it. Some would probably tell me that this was a stupid move on my part, but you are not in my shoes. I had to make a decision to pay my rent and eat....which if I paid for insurance may not have happened...because there isn't enough.

I did get a better understanding of what really needs to be done here as far as healthcare is concerned. First, it really needs to be more affordable (I know that's not going to happen) for a person who is getting insurance on their own. Having to decide whether to eat or get health insurance is not a good way to go. I do worry about medical bills which I know I can't begin to pay. I also wonder if this is the reason why the administration is pushing the new healthcare law so hard. Some camps say that we'll all have to "pony up" and pay higher prices for medical insurance. I know my biggest "beef" is that feeling I have that I'm throwing money away paying these premiums which I lose every year. A much better solution would be to allow everyone to have medical savings accounts that accrue interest and could be used towards medical expenses. No...that's too easy....

I am moving forward. I have to...I have no choice.

Fifty fifth week-Coming at the job search with a fresh image of success

Last week I took a much needed break away from the job hunt. I did things that I wanted to do, and a little reassessing of what my next steps would be. I had to re-evaluate what I was doing, and find out what I was doing wrong and right. It wasn't easy to face that I had a lot of work to do. I was hanging on a false premise, hoping that there was at least one company that would be willing to take a chance on me. Unfortunately this wasn't the case.

 I accept that now. I am what I am. I can't change myself to suit someone's need, nor can I lie to get a job that I probably wouldn't like anyway. That being said, and yes I know that everyone goes through this phase when you finally wake up to the fact that no one is willing to take that chance anymore. You must, as hard as it is, go out and sell yourself and your services. I have in the past few months been slowly but surely putting together a list of what I need, what I want and what I can do without...to assess what talents I should emphasize in what's becoming a new venture for me. I'm still not sure about some things, such as finances should I continue on this road to self employment. All I do know is that I can't keep doing what I have been doing, which is posting resumes on the Internet and hoping that someone...anyone will reply to them. I have to start doing the cold calling to gather information and do the freelance work that's out there.

This doesn't mean that I'm giving up....hardly....I'm actually hoping with some of these informational interviews to get a position. I tell myself that this is a good thing, and that I'm learning all these new skills that I'll be able to utilize once I get a permanent position somewhere. In the meantime, I'll continue to work on two projects which I'm hoping will bring that fresh image of success I long for now.