This week has been super busy in some ways as I made the next steps in making my organization viable. I can sense that people are interested, which is a good thing, but I can't as yet see whether or not they are willing to work with me. Some days it feels like I'm marking time. I feel guilty because it does seem like my job search is at a standstill. I have to remind myself that God is in control and that his timing is perfect.
I am slowly feeling physically better, but worry about the people around me. The stress of being unemployed for so long has affected them too. I don't know how I can make it better for them. They too are marking time with me and praying for an end to this long dark tunnel that we're traveling on now.
In some ways this "sabbatical" has generated new interests and passions. Some would say that I found my niche. Others have told me to my face that passion doesn't pay bills. They are both right. I have found what I love to do, which is historical research....and yes it hasn't paid the bills yet. My question has been, for the past five months, how do I transfer this passion I have to a paying stable position. I haven't found the answer to that one. Yes, I may like to go back to school for my master's degree now that I do have a focus and goal towards where I want to be. No, I don't want to pay the astronomical expense that I would have to pay to reach that goal.
Yes, I also have to admit....if only to myself...that I'm slowly but surely going the route of self-employment. I do believe there are many out there that are even now trying this route too because of the frustration of competing with thousands for that one job. Being my own boss sounds good....yet when push comes to shove...you have to weigh the risks you are willing to take in order to make enough money to survive and even thrive. This is what I'm wrestling with as I continue to straddle the fence on whether to continue on fruitlessly searching for that elusive job or work out a business plan and go into business for myself.
I have, with the help of SCORE, established my historical society. Some of the activities that I'll be doing in the next three months will have a benefit to the community at large and be a resource for others as well. I just have get out of the mindset that tells you that you're no longer a viable candidate for gainful employment and into the mindset that tells you that you are viable and can still contribute to the community in many fruitful ways.
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