Seventy first week-Waiting for answers

This week has been a particularly tough week for me. I have done a lot of running around and attending meetings but no real action so far. I have a feeling that something is going to happen soon. It just has to. I am about a week away from paring down further in what I can do. Starting September 1st, I will need to cut my transportation expenses because there is no money coming in for  it. I hate to do it as being able to travel to my favorite libraries to do research has been my safety valve. It's also what's been keeping me sane as I go through this present trial.

If something doesn't come along in the next week or two, I will have to pare down even further...maybe skip a meal or two. Yes it is that desperate...unfortunately. But as most of you know tough choices have to be made when there is no money coming in and little prospect of any coming in soon. For some it means that they are only weeks away from being homeless. Luckily I'm okay here.

I admit that I am waiting for answers...waiting for someone somewhere to take notice of me and offer me a job. I know that's not the way to go. I know that you need to be aggressive in order to get what you want and need. That's not my nature. I am not aggressive, at least I don't think I am.

I heard everyone say that you have to stick your neck out to get noticed any more....the more sensational you are the better chance you have. I can't do that. I don't want my legacy to be that I trampled over others to get that elusive job. I'd hate a job like that. I want something that will utilize my current skill sets while helping others and provide me with enough money to support myself and my family. I don't believe that's too much to ask for, but unfortunately this is no longer the mentality of the work place today. No one wants to help their fellow human being...at least that's the impression I'm getting in the corporate world. When will it stop? I shudder to think of the punishment that will rain down on them on Judgment Day when they have to explain their actions. Maybe I am old fashioned.

Seventieth week-Learning to swim with the sharks-Part Two

Yes, for most of us when we reach a certain age, there is a feeling that you're a victim of circumstances beyond your control. There are "sharks" all around you and there doesn't seem to be a lifeline anywhere around. You wonder how others in your situation are handling the tremendous pressures of dwindling funds, sick and elderly parents, a mentally challenged older brother and the prospect of being homeless. You marvel at those who have been either unemployed or underemployed for two or three years, even though you know that God is sustaining them. I don't want to be numbered among them. I admit that readily.

Every day is a test of my resolve to focus on the Lord. I know that he is even now providing for my every need. I know that I can't do anything in my own power. I am so thankful and grateful for friends and family who still support me and have to wonder about those people that don't have that support. How are they managing it? There are some rumors that a lot aren't managing it at all....Those are the statistics you read in the paper daily...the horror stories of those who have taken their own life and sometimes innocent bystanders as well. I believe those are the ones that the "sharks" get a hold of and tear to pieces.

To swim with the "sharks" takes a bit of courage. You have to put yourself out there for them to tear apart, without actually letting them do it. I know what I've done is pray continuously for the Lord's protection and guidance through this dark valley I'm currently walking in. There is still a lot I have to learn. I know that I have to be open to learning, and not closed off to it. Yet at the same time I need to keep my moral compass and stand for what I believe....not an easy task in this dark world.

Sixty ninth week-Counting down to destitution

You're probably wondering what I mean by "counting down to destitution." For many of us who have been unemployed for what seems like a very long time, this is our life. It's not the hard but true fact that once you reach the six month point in your unemployment that your job skills go south. It's not the hard, cold fact that you're considered unemployable after you reach the year mark of unemployment, nor is it that for most of us the only jobs we can look forward to are those jobs that no one else wants. It is the fact that money is no longer coming in. Your unemployment compensation is exhausted. Your savings are dwindling. You have no resources or none that have shown themselves to you. Some are in danger of losing their homes. Yes, I won't sugarcoat this. It is a real possibility because the programs we have come to depend on are either broke themselves or you can't apply for because you don't meet the eligibility requirements.

So what do you do? I don't know. All I do know is that there are people out there that are really struggling now to keep their homes and get food on the table. Thankfully I'm not there yet, but I can see that in my future if something doesn't happen soon. How did I get here?

It's not for lack of trying that I'm in my present state. Everyone who has been unemployed as long as I have will tell you that they worked long and hard to find something....anything to fill their days and give them the monetary security they need. I see it in their faces...weary and worn...wanting and needing this trial to end. Will they or any of us survive this? I don't know that either.

Will I quit now and accept the downward spiral? Or will I continue as I have been doing...pressing on and praying for provision and protection.

Sixty eighth week-Another crisis looms in the horizon

Yep...the title is right. Another crisis is staring me in the face right now. I can deny it, push it under the rug or just ignore it and hope it goes away. At this point in time, many of us probably are see-sawing between feeling desolate and hopeful. The desolation comes with the cold hard fact that you're not going to get the job you need and want to have. You are going to have to settle for getting something you absolutely detest in order to survive. I've been trying to brace myself for the impact. It hasn't been easy. The people around you can be insensitive to what you're going through because they've never gone through it. Even the "so called" experts can get it wrong.

I sometimes let myself sink into despair wondering if I'll still be able to maintain this Internet contact for much longer. There are no guarantees that I will because of monetary restraints and accessibility. Thankfully the Lord is providing and I can be hopeful that he will continue to provide for me.

As many of you know, there are a number of issues that I'm struggling with now. One, of course, is that fact that I've been unemployed for so long. I can't seem to get across to anyone that I really have been working all this time, but just not getting paid for it. I get so excited about the event that I'm coordinating in September that I forget to mention...."Oh, by the way....I really could use a job now." When I do that, I get "burned."

How can you justify it? Unfortunately the only way is to keep pressing and letting people know that you are available for work....Work won't come to you. You have to sometimes "scream" that you're there and willing to help them in whatever capacity they need. This has been hard for me to get across to others. Maybe it's because not many people do this because it seems like you're desperate for work. I am. I need a job now...and that's the bottom line.