Sixty second week-Resolved to push on

This week I resolved to push on even though there is a very real threat that my credit will be ruined due to circumstances beyond my control. I know what this means. It means another black spot attached to me and another reason for potential employers to pass on me. Yet I have to keep going just to keep my sanity and to fulfill the unemployment requirements. I decided not to dwell on my current frustrating situation. I can't do that. I must press on...not just for me but for the people I support.

I am past the stage where I desperately take anything just to be working. I realize that any retail job would entail long hours, little pay and a work environment that I'm physically not capable of handling except on a part time basis. I am past the stage of pleading for a job, any job....employers are turned off by that and frankly I would be too. I admit I still do struggle with the questions, some of which are unspoken, about why I've been unemployed for so long. There is a very strong stigma attached to me right now. Unfortunately I can't seem to shake it off and let people know that I'm still learning even though I'm unemployed.

My focus has been on non-profits due to the fact that I've started a non-profit historical society in February. I have taken some on-line courses in non-profit management and what it takes to form a non-profit organization. My head is swimming with all the information, but I feel that I am making progress with it. It is a passion of mine, so it helps me to press forward with all I still need to do.

Sixty first week-In the sea of despair and struggling to get out

Yes, this week has been really tough. Trying to find support now is difficult. Everyone seems to have given up on you. You're staring at a reality that you really don't want to be in. I understand. It's tough when the electronic demons sap your strength leaving you high and dry. You can't look around because it's too painful. Others are suffering far worse, and that drains you even more. You can't help them. You can't even help yourself. Admitting that you're in this sea of despair is the first step out of it.

When I look over my earlier posts, I do notice a pattern of hope. I know I have to hang on to that hope if I'm going to survive this trial and walk through this deep valley. There is still much to be thankful for...a house to call home, Internet access there, food on the table, loving family (even though sometimes they can add to the trial), friends and most importantly a God who loves me. I don't understand how anyone can go it alone, and leave God out of the equation. Yet I see it everywhere...and it makes me wonder if one of the reasons I'm still in this state is my open profession of faith. I won't give that up. It is my life and part of who I am. God made me. It would be utter foolishness to turn my back on him and disobey him. So I'm following the best I can his leading.

Sixtieth week-Feel like giving up, but have to keep pressing on

The pressure to find something is intense. Bills that have to be paid soon stare me in the face. I never expected to be out of work this long, and still don't know how to combat the depression that is threatening to sap my strength and will to survive. I do feel like giving up, but know I won't. There are too many people depending on me now. I feel bad every time I look into their faces and have to tell them that no one wants me. It's very frustrating too. I have great skills and I'm willing to work hard for the right person. I just don't want to work nights and weekends. Is that being selfish? Maybe it is. Maybe I need to just stop whining and take the first job available whether it be a retail one or not. I know what I have to do, but knowing and doing are two different animals.

It's very hard not to want to dig a hole and hide somewhere...especially when the news now is that there are people hiring. "Pick me! Please pick me!" I feel like screaming....but my words fade away in the darkness. Yes, it is a struggle. Yes, I do need to keep moving forward. I have to....I have no choice.

Fifty ninth week-Fighting the financial medical monster

This week I counted myself among the thousands who are now fighting against the financial medical monster. I received two astronomical bills for the very limited medical services rendered when I ended up in the emergency room due to a nasty dog bite. At first, I thought someone was playing a very sick joke on me. I was quite literally shaking with both anger and frustration. I had to put the bills down and go for a very long walk. Walking often literates my thinking. It's also the time I talk to God face to face. I do realize now why this happened. There definitely needs to be a standard price for medical treatment. Hospitals, medical professionals and doctors should be prohibited from charging exorbitant fees for their services. I'm sorry I'm not paying for your house, your car, your children's education...!!!!!

When I think of all those people whose stories I've read that are facing and have faced this very damnable situation, I could just cry. Then I realize that this could be a good issue to take up as part of the healthcare reform law. Someone definitely needs to look long and hard at this now. There should be transparent and fair pricing at every hospital and doctor's office. Don't charge someone thousands of dollars to check a wound, bandage it up, give the person a tetanus shot and send them on their way!!!!! THAT IS CRAZY!!!!!!
INSANE!!!! AND JUST PLAIN WRONG IN SO MANY WAYS!!!!

I need your support....those that are reading this blog...to petition for drastic change in the way hospitals, doctors and other medical professionals charge for their services. We deserve fair prices!

Contact your state representative...tell them how you feel about the way hospitals, medical professionals and doctors charge exorbitant fees for such things as gauze pads....:-(....gauze tape....another....:-( and other simple procedures. Maybe if enough people make a bit of noise about this, we'll see some good changes...maybe...