It has been over two years now since I had a regular paying full time job. Longer than one of my nieces has been alive and a lot longer than I expected to be unemployed like this. I have to admit that there are days when I do feel like giving up. There are also days when I feel like I'm just jogging in place while my savings dwindle to nothing. I know I have to move forward and press onto my new life. I have to accept that for me there may not be a position that is as stable and steady as what I've been used to having. This is hard.
I can blame the whole job market that excludes people like myself that are unable or unwilling to expose themselves. I have tried to be someone I really wasn't and get out there like others expect me to do. I am finding as I do this that there are others like myself that are really struggling to even get noticed by employers. I do feel like giving up. Yet when I see that others are really struggling, I feel I can't. I have to find that avenue or door where people like me can go and get noticed by employers without exposing themselves to the world.
If I admit that I'm scared of the downward spiral my life seems to be taking right now, then employers will shun me. If I am honest and say that I'm not that into technology, I'm considered a relic of the past and unworthy of notice.If I admit failure with all my puny efforts and decide to end it all, I am considered suicidal...which some unfortunately have done. If I accept defeat and give in to the dark forces that are ready to tear me apart, I'm applauded and praised by those who long to see that day.
Yes, my friends I am scared. I have to admit that or else go completely crazy with holding it all in. Yes, I am not that into technology...I don't own a Smartphone and wouldn't know how to use one if I did. Yes, I have failed so far in my ongoing quest to find work, but I haven't decided to end it all...Instead I am moving forward. I won't give in to the dark forces that continue to threaten to tear me apart. Instead I will lean even more on my heavenly father who knows me intimately and knows my needs.
